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People change. Memories don't.


{ picture via pinterest }

I remember you.
The pure you.
Not that fake thing I see now.

I remember your words.
The pure words.
Not that lies you say now.

I remember your thoughts.
The pure thoughts.
Not the ones you've changed to fit their liking.

I remember your transformation
The impurities I witnessed.
You're not the real you anymore.

What happened?



you changed || but my memories didn't

thanks for reading. <3
xoxo,
Rose

Tagged

Thank you Melody, Kenz, and Jessie for tagging me! I really appreciate it. :)
  • tag five {or more} other bloggers.
  • comment on their blog with the link to your post so they can join in the tag.
  • add the button below onto your post.
  • grab the link to your post and comment it below.


1. Favorite restaurant? 

Pizza House. Best pizza ever. :)

2. Favorite music band/group?

I have multiple. Taylor Swift, One Direction, and I think I'm starting to fall in love with Imagine Dragons...

3. Favorite TV Show?

I don't know, Barney?

4. Favorite movie? 

The Hunger Games.

5. If you could be best friends with one celebrity - who? 

Jennifer. Lawrence. A.K.A. Katniss Everdeen // FLAWLESS DERP QUEEN

6. If you could marry one celebrity-who?

JOSHUA. RYAN. HUTCHERSON. He is mine. So back off!

7. You could live in a movie - which one?

*shrugs* I don't know. Maybe a super cool action packed one...super powers are included, right?

8. Biggest pet peeve?

Um... When my sister--I mean someone steals my clothes without asking. -_-

9. Biggest fear?

ZOMBIES. They scare me SO much. >.<
And never being able to hug this flawless person that I know... *whispers* I want need that hug.

10. If you could change your hair color - which color?

Hmm... I would love to keep my hair the ugly color that it is and get neon pink highlights... Do you think that's a little too much? :P

Now I tag...

1. Priya
2. Jess
3. Storyteller
4. Kayla
5. And anyone else who'd like to do it!

thank you for reading this sarcasm filled post. <3
xx Nicole Rose

p.s. you should check out my new who am i? page. ;)

Letting go.


{ photo via Pinterest }
It's harder than it should be,
To let that moment go.
But if I did,
I'd feel lighter.
Supposedly.
That's what they say.
But it's so much easier,
To dwell on the memories.
It gives me something to do.
I guess.
Why is it so hard,
To let go of the past?
I guess my heart has,
Taken hold of the memory.
Something that is dangerous,

And hard to fix.

i can't let go || but i try anyways

thank you for reading. <3
xoxo,
Rose

Radioactive // Some Thank You's


Imagine Dragons - Radioactive

Thanks Kenz, for getting me stuck on this song. -_-
I hope you're happy with yourself.

~ ~ ~

{ you should press play on that video up there before you read this ; }

Today is Memorial Day.
The day we thank and honor those who have died for us.
Those who have fought for us.
And ultimately, have saved us.

Thank you for fighting.
Thank you giving and sacrificing yourself.
Thank you for all that you've done.
I am so thankful.
And so are many others.

I cannot thank you enough for all that you've done.
So here's to you.
The gone, dead, and alive.
Thank you.
And good-bye. ♥

~ ~ ~

thanks for reading this dramatic post. <3
xoxo,
Rose

p.s. this is my 75th post! XD

Splash. Prayer. Air.



Splash.
My feet touch the water.
Droplets spray my face.
Wind whips my hair.

Splash.
The boar rocks.
My hands grip the sides.
A prayer leaves my lips.

Don't let it tip.
Don't let it tip.
Don't let it--

My prayer is cut off by a bigger splash.
The boat twists and flips.
In I go.

Laughter is muffled underwater.
My lungs contract and wish to breathe.
I float up, following the path of the bubbles.

Air.
Sweet air.
I breathe it all in.
My lungs--and I--couldn't be happier.

breathe it in || to let it go

thanks for reading this interesting { and late } post. <3

xoxo,
Rose

Fairy Dust.


{ picture via pinterest }

Running,
Twirling,
Giggling,
Sprinkling.
I think happy thoughts,
Then I fly.
I soar,
High above all.
I smile,
Flipping in the vast blue sky.
Diving,
Landing,
Crashing,
Sniffling.
I lost my happy thought,
Then I fell.
I get up,
Feeling lower than before.
I frown,
And try not to dwell,
On the fact that,
I ran out of fairy dust today.

find some fairy dust || use it wisely

thank you for reading. <3
xoxo,
Rose

I could have done something different...

"Hey, um, do you mind getting that bag down for us?" I mumble, looking down at my hands, not daring to meet his eyes.

He nods, smiling a little and moves to position himself in the right place. I glance over my shoulder at my dear friend, who watches. So I turn back to watch too. He reaches up for the bag, his fingers grazing the side, trying to coax it out of its place on the high shelf. But his fingers catch on the item inside the bag, and it falls, flopping down onto his face in a blur of green fuzziness. I hear laughter, and watch as he laughs along nervously, pulling the leg warmer off his face. The bag is finally retrieved and plopped onto the table. He's still laughing, along with others. I study his tomato red face for a moment, debating on whether to say something or not. But no words come to mind. I don't even have a smile to share. I pick up the bag and walk away, my friend trailing behind quietly.

***

Have you ever looked back at those moments in time and thought, "I could have said something better. I could have done something. I could have reacted in a different way." Well I have. Many, many times. I think back to certain moments, whether they happened months ago, or just yesterday, they still seem to burn brightly in my mind. I never truly let them go. I always get that feeling--that thought--that I could have said something to change the situation around. To switch it out and I could be somewhere else. I wouldn't feel the heavy burden of the memory. I wouldn't have all these reactions, words, or sleep stealing notions.

But I can't change the past.

Sometime, someday, somehow, someway, I hope I get that through my thick head. That I can't change the past. That I can't let these things get me down. That I can't let these mental scenes--that replay over and over--change or control my life. Maybe...hopefully...I don't know. But for now, I shall let the memories--the burdens--stay where they are.

tell me i'm not the only one who feels this way || let it go

thank you for reading. <3
xoxo,
Rose

Inspiration.

in·spi·ra·tion

/ˌinspəˈrāSHən/

Noun

1. The process of being mentally stimulated to do or feel something, esp. to do something creative: "flashes of inspiration".

2. The quality of having been so stimulated, esp. when evident in something: "a moment of inspiration in an otherwise dull display".




Inspiration helps me write blog posts.
Well, it help me write in general.
Inspiration is this wonderful sensation I get in the pit of my stomach.
It's a nagging feeling that tells me I could do or make something creative, maybe even something that's beautiful.
I try to act on that feeling.
I try to do something inspiring.
I try to give back.

What about you?
What's your inspiration?

inspire me || do something creative

thank you for reading. <3
xoxo,
Rose

Color.

{ picture via pinterest }

Color.

It's vibrant.
It's eye catching.
It's beautiful.

It shows depth.
It enhances our life.
It adds to your view of the world.

But what makes color, color?

Who decided pink should be pink, and blue should be blue?
What makes green so different from red?
How could you describe color to someone?

Color. Tint. Hue.

It is unique.
It is bright.
It is dull.

It is part of anything.
It is part of everything.
It is special.

And I know I take it for granted.

~ ~ ~


Red. I tell myself, dipping my paintbrush into the color and slowly lifting it to the wall. I make a long, thin arch, ruining the clean, whiteness of the barrier that stands between us.

Orange. I put this color right underneath the last, mimicking the arch movement.

Yellow. Green. Blue. I make short, quick motions with the brush, lining each color up next to the last. I put a dash of purple here and there, letting out my frustration and anger. I let all my emotions flow through my paintbrush and out onto the wall, letting my tears fall, even though they make it blurry and hard to see.

{ this is an excerpt from one of my *cough* many *cough* writing projects. so all of these words are mine. ;}

be vibrant and bright || stand out

thank you for reading. <3
xoxo,
Rose
p.s. thank you for 30 followers and 2900+ page views <3

Today.

A year ago, today,
We saw each other.
We said hello.
We nodded.
I smiled.
You stared.
Then I walked away.

I miss you.
I still love you.
I hope you can say the same.

One year later,
We could see each other.
We could mumble our hellos.
We could nod.
You could smile.
I could stare.
And this time, I promise not to run off again.

I miss you.
I love you.
Could you ever think the same?

Today could be the day,
The day we spill it all.
We could say hello.
Nod.
Smile.
And stare.
Maybe never letting go.

Do you miss me?
Did you love me in the past?
You didn't let me go when you could?

Today, I am sorry.
But I can't move on.
Just one hello.
One last nod.
One more shared smile.
And I'll go.
If I can.

~

today, i could see you || don't let {me} go

thank you for reading my dramatic, romance-y, writing.
i appreciate it. <3
xoxo,
Rose

A Shared Moment.

"Let's have a staring contest." He pipes up, glancing toward me. I raise an eyebrow, wondering what this means.

"Okay." I say, hesitantly. I look around at the few others gathered around us. My eyes rest on him. Then her. Then on the our siblings nearby. They are engaged in their own conversation. It is just us three. I steal another glance at him, noticing his eyes are still on me. What is he thinking?

"Hey, have you ever heard about the time I--" She starts, but her voice is cut off.

"Well?"

I blink. It is so unlike him to ignore her. I nod silently, signaling I'm ready and trying not to show my surprise.

I think she huffs, but the only thing I can focus on are his deep brown eyes that grow wide as they stare back at me. My heart beats fast. Faster than it should. We stare, unblinking, at each other. I feel as if I've entered my own world. I open my mouth to say something, when our eye contact is broken. By a pillow. I put my hand over my mouth to stifle a giggle, almost laughing when his face comes back into view, a shade or two pinker than it should be. He glares at his younger brother, but a small smile twitches at his lips as he glances toward me. I laugh, a little too loudly, and perhaps too hard. But no one cares. Because we're all laughing. And smiling, at one another.

And I love the fact that he is smiling at me.

***

That was probably one of the best moments I've ever shared with someone. Or at least, with him. I cherish the time we had together, though it was mostly spent glancing at each other from across the room, wondering if we should speak or ignore. I wish I would have had the courage to talk to him, during those long, hard months. I don't know what I was afraid of. He would never brush me off. He's too sweet to do that. And I had talked to him before. But of course, I was afraid of the fact that I'd say something stupid or that I'd slip up. Why? There are many reasons. But I none of which I can share.

not again. || those eyes get me every time.

thanks for reading. <3
xoxo,
Rose

Remember.


Remember.
Never forget.
Hold onto.
My memory.
Don't let me go.
Don't let me slip.
Hold onto me.
Forever.

~

Your image is burned into my mind.
Why must you invade my dreams?
I haven't seen you in forever.
Why are you still in my heart?
I am wondering.
Are you?

~

I don't want to remember you.
Yet I do.
I don't want to think about you.
Yet I do.
I don't want you invading my mind.
Yet you have.
Why do you do this to me?
Why?

~

remember || or forget

thank you for reading this interesting post. <3
xoxo,
Rose

Books.

They have overcome my life.

{ picture source }

I am always reading. Always swallowing, digesting, tasting, each and every word that comes into view. I depend on reading--and books--to take me away to a far away place where everything is almost perfect. Almost. {emphasis on that word} Books have helped me survive. They've given me tips and helped me learn lessons. They've even played as vivid, colorful, moving pictures in my mind. They have shown me that no matter what happens, how bad things can get for the main character, there will *cough* almost *cough* always be a happy ending. Which makes me think, maybe there's still hope for me. Maybe I'll earn a happy ending too...

I need books.
I need words.
I need to feel the pages between my fingertips.
I need to hold a book up to my nose and breathe it all in.
I need to find that small bit of happiness.
And books always seem to give me that.

Thank you books.
Thank you words.
Thank you pages, upon pages, upon pages.
Thank you new book smell.
Thank you authors.
Thank you, for giving me hope.

go out book sniffing with friends { *hint, hint* } || write, write, write

thank you for reading. <3
xoxo,
Rose







p.s. if you would, please check out this post on my writing blog

Written For Him.

Do you remember
me?
The girl
who watched.
Waited.
Hoped.
Prayed. 
Do you remember
the words we shared?
Our
exchanges.
Glances.
Nods.
Gestures.
Do you remember
what I looked like?
The dull color
of my eyes.
The height difference
between us.
The freckles
on my nose.
Do you remember
what it was like
to see me?
The sharp inhales.
Steeled glances.
Small smiles.
Do you miss me?
I miss you.
So much.
It hurts.
I wish I could have
stayed.
I wish I could have
gotten to know you better.
I wish I could have
said 
the things
that were on my mind.
But I kept my mouth shut.
Something I regret,
even months later.
Do you regret?
Part of me wishes you do.
Part of me doesn't.
Part of me is lost.
Part of me is...
In love.
But it's too soon for that.
It's too soon for any of that.
Or is it?
I don't know.
I just don't know around you.
You confuse me.
Do I confuse you?
Make you feel excited?
Happy?
Wanting?
Intrigued?
I want answers.
Do you want answers?
I could give you answers.
All you have to do
is ask the question.

why must you invade my dreams? || months later, i won't forget

thank you for reading. <3
xoxo,
Rose



Mom.

I didn't buy you candy,
Or make you breakfast in bed.
I got the thing that matters most to me.
I got you words instead.

Now, I don't know where to start.
I guess I could start with you.
I hope this makes sense,
So without further ado...


~ Mom ~
{a poem written by me}

I wish I had words for you.
But none of them are right.
Because there is no explaining,
What you do through, the words that I write.

You are extraordinary,
Unique in your own way.
You do many, many, many things for us,
And all without pay.

You give comfort when it's needed.
Hug me tight when I feel lost.
You try to give me everything.
How much have I cost?

I am forever indebted to you.
Always will be, without a doubt.
I love you mom.
Thank you so much, for hearing me out.

And now I close this poem,
But there is so much more to say.
Though there are no words to get it out.
Hopefully, maybe, I will someday.

Thank you mom.
For keeping us together.
For giving me the support I need.
For blessing me with things I don't deserve.
For putting up with me.
I love you.

Happy Mother's Day.

i will never find the right words || you are a blessing

thank you for reading. <3
xoxo,
Rose



Hated.

"Just like me and her." I comment, turning back toward our conversation.

My friend laughs and shakes her head, bending down to retrieve something from her large bag.

"Yeah, we're like this." I cross my fingers, signaling our sarcastic closeness.

"She hates you, you know." My other friend pipes up, adjusting her dance bag on her shoulder and glancing down at her phone.

I giggle quietly, "Really?"

"Yeah. She doesn't say it much, but she does."

I laugh this time. Not caring that my laughter is louder than it should be on this quiet, tired evening.

"I like you as a person and I like her. But I just don't get it. What's up with you guys?" She continues, studying my face, looking over my shoulder at the other girl who just laughs again, still shaking her head.

This time I feign a sigh, and shake my head, a small smile tugging at my lips. "I don't know."

***

Apparently, I am hated. Have you ever been told you're hated? I have. Many, many times. But this time, when I was told, I laughed. I shook it off. I feel like I let the comment slip away. Usually I'd take that comment and let rest heavily on my shoulders. I'd let it mess with my life. I'd let it control me and define what I do. But I didn't this time.
Is it okay to be proud of that? That I didn't let it effect me? I've let too many things effect me lately. I feel like I've let words, emotions, people, even, control my life. What I say, what words I use. I shouldn't be so afraid. But is that really what I am? Afraid? Or am I just...scared? Scared to be my true self? Scared to do the right thing? Maybe being afraid and feeling scared are the same thing.

But I don't know.
I just don't know anymore.

am i hated? || let it go

thank you for reading.

xoxo,
Rose



Scream.

{picture source}


Sounds rip through my throat that should not be human.
I'm tired of being silent and unheard.
I'm sick of this.
I'm ready for this to end.

But still, as my lips move, no one turns their head.
Why won't they listen?
Why don't they care?
Why do they look away?

With a growl of frustration, I close my mouth.
I am silent again.
I am thinking, wondering, questioning.
I am mute.

And no one can save me.

***

I don't know about you, but I'm tired of going unheard.
I'm tired of the pain and suffering.
I'm tired of wishing, and hoping, and dreaming.
My wishes don't come true.
My hope won't last for long.
My dreams feel like they've been crushed.
Will screaming help relieve the pain?
Will talking it out help?
Will sobbing or kicking or punching or words help?
Will anyone care to save me?
I'm beginning to think nothing can save me.
No one can save me.
But myself.

who can i save? || get up and show you care

thank you for reading. <3

                                                                                                                        xoxo,
                                                                                                                                          Rose

Craving.


{photo made by me}

We are human beings.
We crave love.
We crave happiness.
We crave laughter and smiles.
We crave comfort.
We crave respect, responsibility, and real, true, emotion.
We crave life.
We crave challenges and puzzles.
We crave knowledge.
We crave worldly things.
We crave interaction.
We crave music.
We crave adventure.
We all have personal desires.
Personal dreams, goals, and accomplishments.
But we all seem to crave the same things.

what do you crave? || Nutella... <3


Waiting.

//photo by moi//
I'm waiting for you.
I'm waiting for her.
I'm waiting for him.
Why do I wait?

I'm waiting for time to pass.
I'm waiting for weather to change.
I'm waiting for things to happen.
My question hangs in the air.

I'm waiting for the world to change.
I'm waiting for people to change.
I'm waiting for the past to change.
Then it drops, slowly rising with the sounds of people whispering and wondering.

I am waiting for love to find me.
I am waiting for relationships to form.
I am waiting to speak up for myself.
My question is never answered.

How long will I wait?
How long until I give up?
How long until I am rewarded?
I leave to find the answer. I am taking action instead of waiting.

I've waited long enough.
It is time to do, time to get up and search.

don't keep waiting || laugh at the inside jokes you share

Thank you for reading.


Splash. Prayer. Air.

{ picture via pinterest }

Splash.
My feet hit the water.
Droplets spray my face.
Wind whips my hair.

Splash.
The boat rocks.
My hands grip the sides.
A prayer leaves my lips.

Don't let it tip.
Don't let it tip.
Don't let it--

My prayer is cut off by a bigger splash.
The boat twists.
In I go.

Laughter is muffled underwater.
My lungs contract and wish to breathe.
I float up, following the path of the bubbles.

Air.
Sweet air.
My lungs couldn't be any happier.

breathe it in || to let it go

thank you for reading this interesting post. <3
xoxo,
Rose

May.

May means flowers.

May means color.

May means birthdays.

May means there are only weeks left until dance is over.

May means we're that much closer to summer.

May means celebrations.

May means it's time to prepare.

What does it mean to you?


stop to smell the flowers || spin around for no reason


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